Have you ever opened your eyes and realized you were not on
the right side of the bed immediately… well, this morning – HOW YOU DURIN? That is exactly what happened to me.
Lately, this has slowly become a popular theme – I have no
clue why. Well I do know why, I just never address it, why – because I’m too
nice of a guy I guess.
I think life is taking its toll on me. I know that in
eastern philosophies like Hinduism and Buddhism say “compassion can conquer all
evils”, and Christianity says “love thy neighbor”, Islam preaches the
importance being charitable; Judaism that ,”the things on this earth are good,
and together they are very good”… and Rastafarianism, "Let’s smoke dis shit.”
Right now, I am thinking of becoming a Rastafarian. Too bad I do not smoke
weed, because if I did – today would be the day that I would be so high that
Snoop Dogg would actually be looking UP to see me. That is how high I would be.
I am over people.
I find it so amazing how selfish people are. Even as I write
this I am verifying it because my reasoning behind my thoughts are just that,
selfish. But I think everyone needs to be selfish SOMETIME in order to look
after their selves… now, is simply MY time.
It kills me to say it too because I truly feel that I try to be selfless
99% of the time. Apparently for most, that is not enough. And I am truly
getting tired of it.
I do not know if it is simply the area, or the “season of my
life I am in” (to quote my mother) But people really SUCK!
Now before some of my readers get their panties, thongs,
granny panties, boxers, boxer briefs, g-strings, or simply their “going
commando” nuts and coochies all up in a bunch… please note that just because
this post is about “selfishness” – it is not necessarily about YOU! (But then
again, it very well may be you selfish mother fucka!)
This is going to be the downfall of mankind… selfishness,
not going commando for those of you whom are wondering. I think if more people
went commando, they would probably be less uptight, but I will save that for
another post.
We constantly are worrying about ourselves that we never see
the pain and suffering, or hell, even the joys of someone else.
Here is a little experiment I want you to perform.
Wait… don’t take your drawz off – remember I said that will
be for another posting… we’re still talking about selfishness, not all your
junk blowin, flappin, or slappin in the breeze.
The next time you are talking to someone (someone besides a close
friend) just pay attention to how many times they use “me” or “I.” In addition
to that, look at how long it takes them to ask you something about yourself.
What percentage of the conversation is about them, and what percentage is about
random stuff?
I have been mentally conducting this experiment for the last
few months. Speaking of it… no wonder I have been in such a shit mood lately.
I have found that there are very few people that actually
“care” about what is going on in my life. And I say that not because I am on a
“woe is my, my life sucks” path.
Fuck that! I actually am in one of the best places I have
ever been in my life (not “locationally” which I believe is not even a
word).
However, regardless (or I should say irregardless simply
because I think its funny to see people’s faces when other people use it)it is
taxing when I realize how selfish people are … especially people who consider themselves close to me. What the fuck does that even mean?
“I consider you as one of my closest and dearest friends.”
Now as a linguist I really take into consideration words. Well, to be honest I
spell for shit, but it’s not how the word looks, it’s what it means – we’ll
just go with that for now.
Back to the word “consider.” One of the meanings means to
“make allowance for.” So what you are telling me is – you are “making allowance
for me” to be your friend. Ok, ok, ok … I know that the other definitions have
to do with thinking carefully; bear in mind, but we are not focusing on that
meaning… I want to focus on THIS meaning at the moment.
Do you have to really ‘make allowance’ for friends? Not that
I have ever encountered. Making allowance is something you do, say, when you
have a new puppy. And usually those things are things that do not have good
“feelings” behind it.
“That little bastard shit on my floor again…but considering he’s a puppy, it's ok… bless his little heart.”
Now the true meaning of it comes from the Latin comsidus (to
set alongside of the stars) – which would make sense if you are talking about
“considering” yourself one of my friends… because yes, you would be alongside a
star… ME.
Great… now not only am I selfish… I am an egotistical
condescending asshole. See what these
people are doing to me.
:::sigh::::
In spite of all the nasty folks that seem to inch their way
into my life (I’m talking bout the evil nasty, not the freak-nasty gutter
minded people who I enjoy being around because they seem to understand my
warped sense of humor), I refuse to stop being a good person. I will continue
to do what I do as a friend, lover, son, brother, student, employee, and crack
dealer… ok the last one was a joke for those members of the government who are
trying to be coy…
I just hope that everyone who reads this will take a moment
out of their selfishness and try to look at the things that other people do for
you. Even if it is as simple as giving you the bigger cookie when there is only
two left… it’s sadly the little unseen things that mean the most. And just like
those things – when that person is unseen (or dead) you will realize how much
they contributed to your very own selfish little utopia you live in.
“Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to
weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.” (Kahlil
Gibran 1883-1931)
