Running Backwards Through a Bucket of Chitlins'

Woo hoo... another post and it hasn't been 6 months!!

Perhaps it is my 'po man's cappuccino'... double dose of coffee, cinnamon, cardamom, and condensed milk. Well.... more than likely it is the fact that I have had 6 of these bad boys, and my mind is hopping around like a colony of rabid rabbits on X, laced with viagra at a bunny whore house....

Wait.... that might not be a good analogy... I'm not hopping around humping everything... my mind is just jumpy....

I can only imagine what my readers think about me...

These past few weeks have been action packed. I am in a word... TAHD..... that is so tired that you can't even form your tongue to pronounce the entire word... just T-A-H-D!!

I was in San Diego, California for a week; then went to Seattle, Washington for a few days; then I went to Calgary, Canada for some mo' days....

Want the highlights of the trip?

Caught up with my brother that I have not seen in 13 years. That really was the best part of the trip. I have never ever felt so happy. Sometimes a walk down memory lane will really subdue the shit-storm of thoughts running through your head... this time it did. It was bittersweet because my brother has gone through so much, and I felt like a failure because I was not there for him. We used to be very close growing up. Hell we even wrote our own language......

O ga drolu xe cha sa iowo nox le sa!

Zwo??

YES!!!

But I realized that we cannot live a game of what-if. The point is that I am there for him now... and vow to be there until I go to that big all you can eat buffet in the sky... or the eternal sizzlin' hot bbq tailgate party below... wherever my Christian friends claim I will end up... either way... I am there for him.

It was great to meet his wife. They are so perfect for each other. It really makes me happy to know that 2 great people have managed to find each other and complete each other. It was like the perfect outfit. They are each beautiful individually.. but you put them together and GOOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!! Instant movie star!

It really made my heart smile!

It was nice to tell embarrassing stories about our childhood... I mean... mostly about him of course... I mean come on... you think there would be ANYTHING embarrassing about my childhood?

........ like pretty much 98% of it.........


Well , that was pretty much the highlight for me of San Diego.

Then Seattle was a great time.

I remember going to Seattle once or twice while I was flying. I remembered liking it, but I don't think I got a true feel for it. This time changed it.

Talk about getting the royal treatment. I got to spend a day at the zoo, swam with the sharks, did a behind the scenes tour... awesome!!

Then I got to go do a ropes course in one of the most beautiful places I have been to in the United States... with one of my most favourite people... in the world!

(it helps that she is probably this blogs biggest fans)

I feel that I really got to know her. Even though we didn't talk TONS... I could read her energy.

I know that sounds kinda 'voodoo-ish' but those who are "tuned" into people probably understand what I am saying.

She is beautiful; happy, yet a humbleness about her. I have never heard her say a negative thing about anyone. She is so quiet, yet you can tell that she has SO much to say inside. I kinda learned that she follows the rule that I fail on... quite often.... she thinks 3 times and speaks once. I am happy to call her a friend!

It was a great trip in Seattle.

Canada....

Well............

I got sick.

And not just, "oh I don't feel well" kind of sick.... I mean "OH SWEET BUTTERED GRITS SOMEBODY CALL AN EXORCIST" kind of sick. And for those of you who know me, know that I have a strange 'phobia' of throwing up in public.....

yes.....

And to make matters worse... it was a public bathroom...

wait...

I was in Canada... a public washroom.

It just snuck up on me like an ugly person at the club when you're one of the last people in there and they turn on the lights... then you realize that you have been slow dancing with someone who looked like the product of Shrek having sex with a bucket of chitlins'... miscarrying.. eating it...then shitting it out...

Not that that has ever happened to me....... more than 3 times..... (maybe 4)......

So yea... it was a surprise... and not a good one!

Pretty much sums up my last 2 weeks.

Other than that... life is life.

Good. Bad. Happy. Sad. Energetic. Exhausting.

It's just a matter of balancing it. One day I will learn to juggle... that may help me figure out what I need to do in life to gain some balance in my emotions...

......one day......

It's crazy because it's like I have SO much to say, but can't say it. The only quote I keep running through my brain is from my favourite movie, 'The Color Purple,' where Ms. Sophia says, "I know what it's like Ms. Celie... to wanna sing... and have it beat outcha...."

No... I'm not being beat. If that day ever came... y'all better buy the tickets to see Disney on Ice staring the Devil as Mickey Mouse... because that will be the day that hell not only freezes over... but Mickey Mouse reveals he's really a rabid midget (excuse me- little person) with a heroin addiction....

I am just saying that I can kinda understand what Ms. Sophia is saying.

It's like there is soooo much I want to do in my life. But it's hard to do it because it conflicts with what other people want me to do.

I get it... we are all woven in this great species called humanity... but it is hard to find that balance of good for the goose AND the gander kinda deal.

It's hard to be free, without imprisoning someone else (in some shape or form).

But I ask- where does it stop?

If I do something that I want to do... I'm being selfish...

But if the person I am imprisoning is asking me not to do it because they don't want me to...

They are being selfish...

Damned if I do....

Damned if I don't...

So basically my brain is about as unorganized as a Mongolian goat fuck right now.

I need to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

I need to figure out how to get there... without hurting anyone else...yet still satisfying myself...

:::sigh:::

Why doesn't life come with instructions....

hell... being that I'm a man... I probably wouldn't read the damn things anyways... so I'd still be in this predicament.

I think that is why I love being in nature so much... I know you're thinking... DA FUK DAT COME FROM?

:::bunnies hop away:::

I love nature because when I'm in nature I actually feel at one with the universe. There aren't computers, cellphones, masses of people... it's just you, and Mother Earth.

(here comes my side note rant)

I have noticed that so many people are all up in your life... especially lately with a few friends of mine... and myself...

But I find that those people who are telling you (I am using 'you' as a generic term here) how to live your life... who to love... what to do for a living... what to study... when they are around you- they don't pay 2 shits worth of attention to you.

They "care" so much about you... but when you are with them- they pay their attention to cellphones, tv, iPad, tablets, computers, pagers (for the old skool playahs)... and when you say something to them- they get all bent out of shape.

It annoys me.

I sometimes feel like- what is the purpose of having "friends" when all they want to do is be on their phones. What ever happened to conversation?

Don't get me wrong... I love technology... but technology... like chainsaws have a place.

Chainsaws are good for cutting trees... but it is probably not a good idea to try to get one through airport security... in fact... they probably would get a little pissed.

Much like me and technology...

Don't tell me you want to spend time together... or hang out... and then spend your entire time we are together texting someone else... or watching tv...

Next time... just text me!

PLUUUUUUUUUS.... and this is something that makes no sense to me....

Why is it... that when I text, and/or call, email, morse code or smoke signal your ass... you NEVER reply.... BUT... when I am with you... you are AAAAAALLLWAAAAYYYYSS ON YO MUH-FUCKIN' PHONE.....

::::::deeeeeeeep bref:::::::  ('brefs' are more deeper than a breath)

I digress...

I am through...

Finished...

Fertig...

So yeah...

Mother Earth. She is always there to listen to me. Perhaps that was why I had such a connection in Seattle this time. Just me. The elements.......and of course a friend that actually LISTENED to me.

I know I talk a lot.

I mean a LOT...

...but you know I really am a good listener too. People might actually find that out if they put down their damn devices and talked every now and again... I am capable of having really deep conversations... try me.......


So..........

That's pretty much all that is going on in my head... at least one tiny piece of it... the other pieces are in too many languages...

I just hope for some balance soon... you can only be off balance for so long before you tip over!!!

"The earth is the mother of all people, and all people should have equal rights upon it. You might as well expect all rivers to run backwards as that any man who was born a free man should be contented penned up and denied liberty to go where he pleases." ~Hinmatóowyalahtq'it/ Chief Joseph (1840-1904)