Cuss words, Trash Soup, and a Shout-Out to the Future

I completely intended to write… or at least start this blog a couple days ago- but like most of the time, life just seemed to get in the way.

These last few weeks have been full of exciting events. Some of which I will write about- others I will not for certain reasons… mostly because my mother is finally able to get online- so I have to cut down the times I use the words- shit, damn, hell, fuck, ass, bitch, asshole, son-ova-bitch, and of course bastard..

Out of respect for my mother (who never uses profanity: ::::rolls eyes:::) I will now have to use words like “Poop”, “Wall used to block water”,” Hades”, “Fornicate”, “Gluteus Maximus”, “a dog that gives birth to offspring “(or simply put, a female dog), “Anus”, “The offspring of a woman who prefers to sell herself on the corner instead of the conventional mother”, and of course, for the last term.. I will simply input “myself”… because I am sure that is what my mother is saying in her head right now as she is reading this… “that lil bastard” At least for this blog!

Don’t worry; I will not censor myself anymore than usual. I am blessed to have a mother that I consider as much of a friend as anyone else of you that are reading…besides, if anyone of you have met her… you understand why I am the way I am. ( I know who’s getting a good cuss out the next time he calls his mother!)

So anyways, as announced in a previous blog, I have decided to give up my life of a jet-setter and decided to go back to school full time back in Orlando.

The last few weeks have been spent preparing myself mentally and emotionally for the transition.

I have laughed, cried, questioned my decision, confirmed my decision, had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, shark attacks (ok, not really, just being sure you’re still paying attention to me).

This is a dream I have always had. Ok- lets be honest… by “always” I mean once I got into the “real” world and realized that I really needed to finish my degree to really do what I want to do. And here I thought ‘paper’ was only important to weed-heads, and people sitting on the toilet and realize there is only an empty cardboard tube.

I studied… then studied some more. I took practice test after practice test, after practice test. I failed some, passed some, misread some, reread some, and ate one of them. (the last one was a test of a new recipe)

I applied to the schools I wanted to go to that had the subjects I wanted to study.

I studied some more.

I took another test.

I studied some more….

Let’s just say I had my nose in a book more than a cat with diarrhea is in his litter box!

I took my placement exams – because the ones they had on file had expired.

I did better than I thought in one subject, and worse than I thought in another. The best part is- its done and over with!

I then get an email from a Chinese School I applied to. I got accepted into the program!

By accepted I mean they said- “Sha’- We wir gradry accept monies flum a white boy”

The semester will be 13 weeks long, and consist of 2 language classes, and 1 cultural class. Exciting no?

So I have started to pack my crashpad in Miami.

Bittersweet.

There is going to be a lot I miss about Miami.

Ok, ok , ok… I will miss a couple things.

OKAY- FINE… There really isn’t much that I am going to miss about “Miami”. I am going to miss a couple of my friends that I have become really close to.

I may miss the few Cuban cafes that I like.

The occasional glimpse of the skyline at night crossing the bridge into Miami Beach.

But overall- I'm going to miss things like yesterday.

Yesterday I made the mistake…AGAIN… by agreeing to go shopping with a good friend of mine and her sister.

2 females….

A HUGE mall…

Christmas time….

What the FORNICATE was I thinking?

Let’s just say I don’t claim to be smart all the time.

At least this time I wasn’t held hostage in a 5 by 10 store known as Betsy Johnson, who apparently prices her clothes to over compensate for her small store. I can hear her now when all her [Betsy Johnson] designer friends are talking… “wow, so you have a 3,000 square foot store…… yeah, so… I have one boobed bra that cost $700, an earring in the shape of a actual sized flea for $600...

After I was released from being held hostage, I went over to my “Italian Family’s” place. My friend’s mom had made fettuccine (I believe that’s the spelling-at least that’s what spell check says) and by made I mean from scratch! It was good!

So now, as if it’s not bad enough my one friend is studying psychology… her sister whom I am now friends with, is studying for her masters in psychology. So now I am a case study for 2 people. Both of them want to me take this personality test.

I think I only agreed to do it because the sister friend (remember I don’t use names in blogs) had quoted my blog in the store, and I felt warm and fuzzy inside… though this could have been gas from the nasty Japanese food, which I will get to in a second…. However, it felt really nice to be ‘quoted’ by someone who I’m still getting to know, and has no ‘obligation’ to read my blog.

Cool points to you sister friend!

Since she was awesome enough to actually express interest in my blog, I am going to plug hers.

I am practicing for when I am a celebrity and get to say I like things, so that will instantly make people like things because as we know, people don't know what to like unless someone tells them what to like...

So I tell you, you will like her blog “I LUUUUURVE IT”. You have to sing it, or it loses its effect trust me. I think she should have a theme song when you open the blog of a drunk singing… “I wanna be LUUUUUURVED by you, by you, and nobody else...”. Ok, so I need some mental help… maybe it is good that I am friends with these ladies who constantly psychoanalyze me!

Hit me up for the link if interested- because there are some interesting things on there. I mean she doesn’t go on babbling and rambling on about nonsense like I do- but you’ll get a good laugh!

So about the food…

Do you remember my blog about the “organic work” – “the microwaved turkey” – and pretty much any other incident where I talked about food…

It seems as though every time I am with this friend of mine. We end up having a bad food experience. (Except for that one Udon place in San Fran which is awesome).

While I was being held hostage in the mall, we went to have lunch. Both she and I wanted Udon soup, and there was a Japanese place in the mall.

I know, I know… I shouldn’t expect good Japanese food from the mall, but I should at least be able to eat what I get.

Not the case here!!

I get the soup.

Now, typical Udon is basically a clear onion broth with scallions, and the udon noodles.

No more, no less.

The soup I got had scallions, pressed tofu, green beans, corn, peas, seaweed, some chopped sour pickles, udon noodles in a dishrag water broth.

Have you ever worked in a restaurant?

If so- do you know the dish area?

At the end of a night, where they rinse the dishes look like?

If not, imagine using your garbage disposal every day for a month, dumping it out, putting a ramen instant noodle packet seasoning in it, some udon noodles, and there you have this place’s Tempura Udon!

Oh, Oh, Oh!!! I forgot to talk about the tempura shrimp. Tempura, if you don’t know, is a very light battering.

I think I have officially figured out what sunk the Titanic. Don’t believe what you read, it wasn’t an iceberg- it was the batter this company used to fry their shrimp in. Tempura my GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!!

The best part I bring the stuff back up, and the DOG THAT GIVES BIRTH TO OFFSPRING made me wait for a manager who was “in bathroom cuz he have to go”

Seriously? Thanks for the FYI- now I know why the soup tastes so terrible!

He walked out and I picked up the soup- and he didn’t even say anything, he just opened up the register and gave me my money back.

He knew that was some nasty mess himself!!!!

So now today I am going to devote myself to packing up my Miami crashpad.

It’s going to be a sad day when I leave flying but, the cool thing is, I can say in my life:

I now have been to all 50 states

I was able to drink Cuban coffee- IN Cuba

Turkish coffee IN Turkey

Colombian coffee IN Colombia

Tea in Taiwan out of a mug that was actually NOT made in Taiwan.

I have been to Georgia… the country!

I have been to “–stan” countries like Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan.

I have spent so much time in Romania, that for a while there, I wondered if I was going to get a Romanian passport

I have been to places that some people can’t point out on a map- Mali, Mongolia, the Marshall Islands

I have loved some of the places, and hated some of them.

I laughed in all of them.

I have worked with people that I wanted to kill, and worked with people that have forever made an impression on my life (even if that impression was “Dear G-d, please don’t let me turn out like this ANUS”

I have spent more time in a plane than most people will spend in their cars their entire life.

While others complain it takes them an hour to get to work. I would sometimes fly for 15-20 hours before I got to “work”.

I am not going to be sad because I won’t have it anymore- but I am going to cherish the time that I got to experience it.

Besides, its not like I’m dying. Well, I guess we all are ‘dying’- I just am one of the few people that actually decided to “LIVE”.

This new chapter in my life is going to be exciting.

Scary, yet exciting.

I will still travel- just not for free. I will still have adventures, maybe just not as often. And I will surely still write… but don’t call me Shirley!

Now my adventures will be the usual crap that happens to me.

It may only be in exotic locations such as the Magic Mall, or Cousin Pookie’s BBQ Shack and Hair Weave Salon.

But there will be more adventures! I promise! That is what my life is about!

Live, Learn, Adventure till di fiya na burn!

“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there” ~ Charles F. Kettering (1876-1958)