Ida-sick-ho... a false first impression

At first glance of the itinerary, I thought to myself… “oh great” in that sarcastic tone where if you could translate it, it would say “I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a splintered bamboo shank that was soaking in salty rubbing alcohol”.

First impressions are often false.

Our first leg of this adventure wasn't much of an adventure. A commercial flight on one of my least favourite airline; I like to refer to it simply as “Air-Trash”.

This flight probably should have told me how the trip was going to turn out.

Great flight attendants, very friendly and tentative.

Professional, with just enough ghetto to make them real!

We landed in Baltimore, it is 26 degrees Fahrenheit (-2 C for my metric friends). This is the one trip –for some reason- I decided to go ahead and pack my overcoat. I really don’t think I needed to, but had I have not packed it, it would have been negative 3,000 degrees.

We all bundle up, and go out to wait for our shuttle to our hotel. Hurry up and wait, you know the game! We have to rush out there, because the shuttle might be there, but you always miss it, so you end up having to wait anyways!

The joys of traveling!

We get to our hotel, which is a different hotel than we usually stay in while we are in Baltimore. It is nice however.

We get in fairly early, so we all decide to meet up around 5 and go get dinner, and call it an early night. Considering that we had a very early show time the following morning, it was a smart move in theory, in reality however, it wasn't.

I get back to the hotel after eating at Chili’s (the closest thing unfortunately- I prefer mom and pop places, and hole in the wall establishments that you have no question why you go there- but they always have the best food)

I was unable to sleep most of the night. But, I finally fall asleep.

For a few minutes at least.

I (since I am a light sleeper) hear a fire alarm going off. I look out the window (I have no clue why a fire alarm prompts me to look out the window) and sure enough the little “this building is the one on fire” light is blinking.

I never have understood those lights. You see them on large buildings, they go off if there is a fire alarm. I mean… really? Think about it. You think the fire department really needs the light to tell them?

“Which building is it?”…. “uh, I don’t know- do you think its that one with smoke bellowing out of it”…. “but there’s no light blinking…” …”oh yea, you’re right, I guess since there is no light blinking, we can go back to the station…”

Anyways- I don’t know if I am more disturbed that the fire alarm woke me, or if the fact that the fire alarm on the THIRD floor was going off, but, it did not set off the other floors.

Maybe its me, but if I’m on the 6^th floor, and the floor 3 floors under me is on fire… LET A BROTHER KNOW!! Don’t tell me- “its ok- its not your floor”… riiiiiiiiight!

So I barely got any sleep that night.

Our next leg of the trip brings us to Boise, Idaho.

Who da ho?

You da ho?

NO- IDAHO….

Very well, suit yourself… you ho!

So this was the “oh great” comment at the beginning.

43 hours in Boise.

What the hell am I going to do with 43 hours in Boise.

We land.

I get off the plane.

So far so good. Nice brisk weather. Beautiful backdrop of snow capped mountains.

A stereo-typical “corn-fed” good ole boy picks us up. (complete with overalls)

Drives us to our hotel.

The Safari Inn.

I know- my job likes to keep it ‘classy’.

Although I do have to say, any place that has fresh baked cookies when you check in, is alright by me!

The people are very friendly, and the rooms- well at least mine, are alright.

My one friend’s room for some reason smelled like either 1- the town cat-lady stayed there, and left her clothes in there for a week. 2- the town cat-lady brought her cats there with no litter box or 3- my friend really is the cat-lady and she’s trying to blame the smell on the guest before her.

It is BAD.

We decide that later that evening we were going to meet up and go have dinner.

My friend and I had walked around the town real quickly- she wanted to get a manicure.

A little side note slightly related to future events in this blog:

Said friend here and I had been craving Pho soup for the longest time. The other day we met up back in North Miami Beach to go try this place I found out about that was supposed to be decent. I pick her up, we drive to the location. It looks empty. This could be a sign of crap food, or simply that they were closed. Well, in spite of what the sign on the window said, and the hours that were on the window… they were indeed closed. Slightly confused by this, I called the place (because we saw a small Asian lady walking around the restaurant with her apron on). I don’t know, maybe they just simply forgot to unlock it, and they are wondering “why no custa-mah?” I call…the lady picks up. “Hello, are y’all opening today”… “ahhhh yea, ahhh, we maybe open at 1”….”wait, did you just say you MAY open up”…. “yea, so come by at 1 and maybe I open”…. “wait, I just want to be sure I understood you correctly (I was hungry after all, so I might have been hallucinating) you said you want me to drive all the way back here, and you may still be closed”…. “yeah, I maybe open up at 1”. Needless to say, I don’t do “maybes” when it comes to Asian establishment. “This MAYBE chicken, and it MAY not be”

Back to my regular blabbling

So while looking for the nail place for her (which we finally found, and she set up an appointment for the following day which she completely blew off), we saw a Pho place called “Pho Noveau”.

It looked like a nice little establishment, Kinda trendy, clean, and the menu was decently priced.

It was cold, we had been craving Pho, and we knew we were going to meet up later for something to eat, and no one had been here before, so I was going to plant the seed that this was the place we needed to go.

Luckily, the people were receptive to is, and this was going to be where we ate dinner.

Our server I believe was one of the most beautiful ladies I have seen on Earth.

Have you ever just looked at someone and loved them, and hated them at the same time. You wanted to slap them for being so perfect, then hug them because they were so beautiful.

Well this was her- AND she was extremely sweet as well!

I got my soup- and as expected, it was off the chopstick!! (off the chain is a little too cliché for this comment- just go with me on this one will ya?)

Afterward dinner we come back to the hotel, chill out a little bit, and then we go out to a local club/bar/disco- whatever you want to call it. They were doing a burlesque show. It was… well… I had a good time. It wasn't “great”- but, it was indeed entertaining none the less!

Now I have been fighting off the flu for a couple days. Well- apparently after I got back from going out- I crashed.

While I was sleeping, the flu picked the lock of my hotel, or came in through the lovely window unit that smells like plastic burning every time I turn on the heat.

When I woke up….no voice.

None.

Zip.

Zero.

Nada!

Ain’t dat bout a bitch!!

Me- no voice. That combination is like oil and water, the 2 of them just don’t mix.

I talk.

That’s what I do.

Some people hum, some people smoke, some people knit…

I talk.

So needless to say, I knew that the day was going to be interesting.

Once again, Theraflu has become my ‘drink of choice’.

I go down and have a couple mini-muffins. A glass of O.J. (the juice, not Simpson- that’s just a nasty thought)

I get a call from my friend.

“Do you have any Theraflu?”

Great, I got her sick.

That’s the problem with hanging out with someone too much- not only do they get all kinda things to blackmail you for. You get each other sick.

I come up- make her some Theraflu (because that’s what kind of friend I am)

I nap some.

I don’t like sitting in the hotel.

So when I wake up- I am ready to just go out and walk about. Not a walkabout like the Aboriginal tribes do… just a walk about the city like the crazy multi-grain cracker that I am!

Let me say it again- first impressions are often false.

What do you think of when you think about Boise, Idaho.

That its about as exciting as what the state is known for right?

Potatoes.

Plain.

White.

No taste Potato.

Well, you (like I was) couldn't be more wrong.

What I found –to my surprise- was a very clean, multi-cultured, exciting city.

The people in this town are extremely friendly. The place is VERY clean- not once did I step in gum, or dog crap.

Ironically though, I did step in potato.

There is practically every type of ethnic food available to you.

Wine shops, clothing shops, bars, coffee shops, specialty shops, smoke shops, book stores, restaurants.

Some of them are in older buildings with little ‘stories’ about the building on the side.

Some of them are in little strip malls. Some with strippers working in the mall...

No one begging for money or food.

A genuine city.

After speaking with the server from the Pho place on day 2, (now you see what I call it crack soup- it is that addicting) She said that Boise is a very friendly place, that it is more like living in a little small town.

I like that!

I walked around. Took some pictures.

Saw the Capitol – from the outside.

Not as pretty as Austin’s capitol building- but then again, I’m a little partial to that city, so that’s not a fair comparison.

Back to the room- Theraflu was calling.

By now I have a little more of a voice.

Still scratchy and pretty deep.

Much like the 2 mothers (my mom, and my best friends mom) voices when they first wake up in the morning and have their cigarette.

“Good Mo-nin babies, y’all want some eggs, some grits some bacon and skauskage?”

I hear a knock on my door.

One of the ladies I am flying with, has a bag with food in it.

This is only my second time traveling with her.

The first time was about 2 years back, and it wasn’t a very good first impression.

I was still new, and I thought she was a little harsh.

Once again…. First impressions- sometimes false.

In my 2 years of doing this, and the several times I have been sick on the road- NO ONE has ever done that for me.

Boy did I feel like an ass about saying that I didn’t particularly care for her when I first saw her name on the itinerary.

What a jerk, I know!

So I am on day who knows what of this 9 day adventure.

Last night we get into Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

It is COLD.

I don’t mean cold like- “oh, give me my jacket”.

I mean cold like, please start the fire, I am getting in.

The problem with this is, I am still sick. I am freezing, yet at the same time-burning up. I don’t mean “I am hot” in the conceited way, I literally mean I am hot.

Much like the menopausal women that I often travel with- in the middle of the aisle suddenly knock a passenger out of the way, steal their safety information card out of the seatback pocket, and start fanning themselves. That is how I feel.

Except I’m not going through menopause. At least I hope...

This town is (to use an old term) WHACK!

I asked the lady with bleach blonde hair behind the front desk where I could get some drugs. I guess she took me literally, because the walking directions she gave me were completely not towards the K-Mart that I eventually found my way to, but towards the crack-houses and methlabs that Cedar Rapids I am sure is extremely proud of!

My travel partner/friend that is with me on the adventure came along. I mean I did get her sick too, so she might as well come get some drugs.

As we venture through snow and wind -like 2 Mongolian nomads on their way to a sacrifice of a virgin yak- I can’t help but laugh at the situation. We start doing fake chants, because we're stupid like that.

Here we are the 2 sickest of all the people, and we are out and about in 12 degree weather, lost, looking for drugs.

I turn around and notice my friend bent over, laughing.

She has snot from her nose, all the way down to the snow. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh, pee, or get my camera.

We stood there for about 4 minutes just laughing. I have no clue WHY it was funny, I just know that it was!

We eventually made it to K-Mart. Only on Saaaturdays, only on Saaturdays...

Apparently people here don’t think its that cold- because they were looking at us like we were freaks.

I mean, so what if my friend had on 2 jackets, a knit hat, an overcoat, and a wool scarf wrapped around her neck all the way up her face so that she looked like a member of al qaeda.

People were wearing polo shirts, a light jacket. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??

We get back to the hotel. We want food. Particularly soup.

Well, the restaurant said they didn't have soup... I guess our 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE SOUP' scared them into saying 'we'll heat some up'.

We should have just not had it... Cheeseburger Chowder... WTF? I end up pouring about 2 shots worth of Scotch into it to give it SOME flavour... even that didn't help.

By the time we get our bill, the waitress (with a piercing in her upper cheek) says in a voice that I THINK she was trying to be funny with "I better not get sick because of you two"...

Do you ever have one of those moments when you think something... and it just comes out...

Well, it happened.. "Um, thats the stupidest shit to say before you get your tip, I hope you know that"....The best part is the bartender hollered (yes I used the term hollered) "yea, thats kinda like wiping your butt before you poop"

She is what I refer to as ODH- One, Dumb, Ho!

The next portion of the trip, we fly to Phoenix.

I get to see my dad and step mom right? WRONG!

The one time I get a fairly long layover here, and can really use a good home cooked meal. My father and step mom are in Florida.

A few days have past since I have started this trip.

I have been writing as the days past, so I didn’t forget any fun facts.

I have noticed that when I am stressed, I tend to forget funny things a little easier, so I decided since I am stressed, I’ll write as I go.

Today hit me really hard.

In fact, as I write right now, I have this great big emptiness eating away at me. – no mom, its not gas!

The schedules for next month came out. I realized that this is it.

This is my last adventure. I am not able to travel and go to school full time.

I thought I would be lot more excited about this day. But its hard.

I mean its not “do I pull the plug on grandma” kinda hard- but it is difficult.

I guess its as mentioned to me earlier: “it’s like time goes by so quickly because you enjoy what you do… but before you realize it, you’re living in your jesus van parked in the parking lot of your job” …. So true.

I do not want to end up like Padlock, claiming I’m married to Jesus (because no one else wants my hand in marriage), and because I’m too high class to live in a dumpster, I’ll have to live in the backseat of Big Mama (no wonder I got the crew cab)… then because I make so little, I’ll have to get roommate to live “shot-gun”, well be cooking spam on the hood of my truck in the summer and bathing in the water that collects in the back during the Miami rainy season….. yeah… maybe it is a good idea I leave now.

I guess the reality of things really hit me today.

I know that my future is going to be amazing. What I am going to accomplish is going to be great- I can feel it in my bones….- I already told you mom… NO- its not gas!!!

Sometimes letting go of the present is hard. Even if you know that the future is even better.

I guess some people, when they are hungry just accept the bread that is handed to them. I’m the type of person, I am happy with the bread I have, but I want to learn not only how to bake it- but how I can put some peanut butter (Jif- because that’s what high maintenance choosy moms choose) and jelly (preferably the organic raspberry kind from Trader Joe’s in Tucson) on it. It seems only natural for me.

Today when we (my coworkers) all were sitting in the VIP section of the hotel, I got a little sad. OK- I got a lot sad. There was one moment, when I actually had to get up and walk away to “get more chips”. The inner “bitch” kicked up in me, and I got really overwhelmed with emotion that this was the last time I would probably see a lot of them. Even though they were not the "best friends" you keep, you enjoy the time you spend with them. The memories you have made with them.

I sometimes ask myself “are you sure about this”… over, and over!

I am.

I will not end up in a padlocked Jesus van- hating myself because I did not pursue my career- because I was “having fun”.

I really don’t like this grown-up attitude I have inherited with age.

It makes so much sense to just “be” and not worry about what “will be”.

I can’t do that though.

I go on these great trips sometimes, and I see the people who have been doing this for years and years and years.

I can easily do that as well.

But when I get old, are my awesome memories going to pay my retirement? Ok,well, knowing me, I’m going to be the one that goes to someone’s house and eats the potpourri sitting on their table thinking its ‘refreshments’ they host has put out for the guests... but I digress

I don’t know whether to be happy or sad. I guess that’s a good thing.

I guess nerves are put in your stomach to remind you that you’re still “living”.

Without adventure, there is no life. Isn’t that the motto I try to live by?

Yes, what I do now is adventure… but I have no challenge.

Yes, I get to go to some great places- but not because I want to go, because I HAVE to go. With my future, I will get to go to these places because I want to.

Besides, learning new languages, and studying full time will give me that challenge that I need in life. So what if I have to sell a piece of ass, or maybe a kidney to get by financially. Ok, maybe I do not have the J-lo type of ass to sell... but I still have 2 healthy kidneys!

I am not going to look at this as my “last adventure” rather the first step to a greater one.

I just hope I am able to have crazy crap happen to me so I am still able to write.

I mean damn, I finally am getting people that read my blog on a regular basis, so now I HAVE to deliver!!

I guess I will enjoy this final trip and take in as much as possible.

Like:

~The sounds of the Lezbanese couple next door to me that were very ‘religious’ through out the night.

~The fat man walking down the hall whistling Christmas carols off-key… at 1am… GO TO SLEEP, JUST CUZ YOU’RE FAT DON’T MAKE YOU SANTA!!

~The lady at Sports Authority today that put me in check and proved I wasn’t funny when she asked me if I needed help finding anything and I told her “sanity and peace of mind” and she looked at the lady standing across from her and said “I don’t know what that is, do you know where that is in the store”…. Um… “nevermind, I thought I was funny, but thanks to you today young lady, you have proven me wrong”…… damn slow ass honk !!

Just to name a few….

Ok- this off subject… but Target... Please get some Christmas radio commercials that aren’t creepy. That lady singing about whatever she is singing about (and not rhyming) is really creepy, and scares the hell out of me. I picture a rabid midget wonky-eyed elf singing it. Ahhrr, just gave me the heebie jeebies!

I keep going between laughing, and crying- well and the bathroom, I drank a lot of water today!

If only life came with an instruction guide, like IKEA…bunches of pictures… well, I guess they already have one of those, the Kama Sutra… but for some reason.. it just doesn’t have the same results as IKEA instructions, and people you meet in your life don’t always understand why you are asking them to do these things. “Um, I don’t think this is the traditional hand-shake… where did you say you came from again?”

~ sigh~

The unknown certainty of the future… It is what it is…… gas! And I guess like gas… it won’t feel better until you get it out of your system, otherwise you explode by not releasing it!

So hopefully my future will be much like my recent first impressions… maybe not the best, but they turn out amazing.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” ~ Seneca Proverb