Back from Surgery

Miss me?? I know I have missed being able to travel and share my world. So much has happened since we last connected.

I am currently in Tbilisi in the Georgian Republic, but I'll get to that in a minute.

I had surgery on April 8th due to a peritoneal tear and a small hernia. Let me tell you that is the most pain I have ever been in. I like to think I have a pretty decent threshold for pain, however, the pain was so bad, it almost would make me throw up.

I FINALLY get to go to Montreal, Quebec,Canada for a decent time, however, the pain was so bad, I was laid out in bed the entire time, so unfortunately, I did not get to get out and explore. When I got back, I called up a friend and asked if she could take me to the emergency room.

The ER itself was quite an experience. I am pretty healthy, hardly get sick (and even when I do, I never admit that I'm sick) and up to this point, had never had any major injuries. So needless to say, this experience is new to me. Top it off, it's in Miami (my not so favourite city in the world)

We get to the ER, I fill out the 365 pages, and questions... (you'll be happy to know that I'm not pregnant, or expecting as one of the questions asked me)
I am sitting in the waiting room with my friend, and I hear my name called, literally a second later, the guy SCREAMS my name, like he had been waiting forever. So I yell, "I'm coming- jeez". The guy answered back in a tone basically saying hurry up. So, already I am pissed...

I get to the back, they tell me to take off my clothes, and put on the gown (oh goodie) Then they hand me a cup, and say, "here" and walk off. Strike 2
Well, I'm not going to just pee right there (if you don't know me well enough, I'm pretty much pee shy- plus one of my good friends is there, and I do not want to traumatize her)I go walking around searching for a bathroom (ass out mind you).
Fast forward, I come back, with a plastic cup ( if you don't know whats in it and need clarification, contact me and I'll explain)... place it on the table, and it sits there....

The phlebodomist comes in, does an AMAZING job taking blood, even though I thought they were going to eventually start putting formaldehyde because they were taking so much blood.

The cup remains there.

A doctor finally comes in, I explain the situation (I won't bore you with the details) He proceeds with his exam,which though slightly painful, was not too bad. He says he finds nothing.

Enter the NEXT doctor.

Now...if you are a guy, you can empathize on this, if you are a female; I know what you're thinking. "Try giving birth". My rebuttal is this... there is NO time or reason for a human hand to reach into your chest cavity, via the scrotum. I looked down, and the doctor was to his ELBOW, and had the NERVE to say "COUGH". I wanted to be like, remove your GD hand from my heart, and I might be able to.
HE finds nothing.

The cup still remains, on the table, looking sadly out to the world as if saying: "Someone please take me"

They do CT scans, more blood work. Nothing is found...

The doctor comes in again and says "well think its nothing, but we want you to see a surgeon within the next week because it could be something" and walks out.

Okay... I am not an expert in the medical field, but, it's nothing but it could be something????

After the doctor walks out, the bitch nurse walks in again and gives me another cup... "here" she said. So I was like... "no- THERE" and I pointed to the cup that had been sitting there almost 3 hours now.

You guessed it, I had to go back, and do it again... wasn't so easy.

Fast forward again-
I call the surgeon, told them the doctor refereed me, the lady said, we don't do that, what are your symptoms, I asked her if she was the doctor, and she said no, so I told her, then I'll tell the doctor when I come in. She said, well- you have to wait until next month.

I eventually go to my Dr. in Orlando who refers me to a specialist there. AMAZINGLY he was able to diagnose me, without playing games with my heart, in fact, he didn't hurt me at all. Of course when he said "let's exam ya" I kinda teared up a little, and he found it funny.

He determined I needed surgery, so a week later (I believe) I go into surgery for the first time in my life.

A little lesson for those of you who are going into surgery for the first time. When you go in before the surgery for prep and all that garbage. Don't read the paper they ask you to read and sign. Just sign it! After I read the pages of "what ifs" I determined that everything was going to go wrong, and I'd wake up dead, with nothing but an earlobe, 2 eyelashes, a toenail, and one lip. Let's just say, if its going to go wrong- it will!

I remember them coming in to give me the "happy juice", I saw my mom's best friend that past some years ago peek around the curtain and tell me "it's gonna be ok". I then remember looking up, and seeing the lights of the OR and having them say "ok, were gonna slide you over to the table now". I told them, its ok, I can slide myself, which I did (I think). I made a comment that the table was REALLY narrow, and that one of the nurses was beautiful and looked like an angel in the light, asked for a bowl of grits (yes grits), and next thing I know, I was waking up in recovery, telling one nurse she was mean, and to leave me alone.

The nurse that replaced her was a nice guy with BRIGHT BRIGHT orange scrubs. I was almost hypnotized by them. They had me loaded up with drugs, so I was in no pain...

Stage 2 of recovery was a little better, they were going to "feed me".... Can I tell you, one of the CRUELEST tricks to play on someone who hasn't eaten since 9pm the night prior, and its like 3pm the following day, is to tell them "Were going to feed you"- then give you graham crackers. Have you EVER eaten a graham cracker when your mouth is so dry, it feels like there is a group of Bedouin nomads, with 85 camels and 6 harems of women belly dancing in sandpaper shoes in your mouth. NOT NICE! It seemed like 1 cracker took me 30 minutes to eat.

She then tells me I can leave, if I can walk to the bathroom and pee. Sounds easy enough right? :::BUZZER SOUND::::: WRONG!!!
I walk (or more like shuffle). Step 1- complete.
I get to the bathroom. Step 2- complete
I move my hospital gown over. Step 3- complete
I wait.... nothing
wait some more... I think its... nope
wait...
Then I get dizzy....figure, "aha!!, I'll sit down to pee" ok- so that doesn't help.
I shuffle back to bed. "Nope-mission unaccomplished"

The Stage 2 nurse gives me some IV with glucose in it. GREAT!!!! That shit BURNS! No other way to say it! Sugar water is NOT supposed to be injected directly into your vein, I'm sorry!!!
I finally think... "I have to pee"! Thank the lord!
I shuffle over- Step 1- complete
I get to the bathroom- Step 2- complete
I move the gown over Step 3- complete
wait.... I wait some more....
I just know at any moment, I am going to pee, and its going to be a beautiful feeling to finally be able to leave.
Well, I accomplish Step 4, but not really a lot (if you need explanation, contact me again)

I ask the nurse if she needs to "verify" and she said no, as long as you went.
I shuffle back to the bed and she asked me again, are you SURE you went. I told her (sorry if this is TMI) it was just a little, and it burned like hell. Her reply: "oh that's because they put a catheter in you and drained out 50ccs already..." WTF?? Is it habit they just insert tubes in places they have NO business being in?? Here I am thinking there is something wrong with my bladder, because I KNOW I haven't peed since before I left for the hospital at like 5 that morning!! Then she tells me, don't be surprised if you see some blood in your urine from the catheter.GREAT, I can barely pee as it is, now its going to bloody... BLOODY HELL!!!

I will spare you the details of the couple of weeks of recovery. I am back at work now, and ready to continue my adventures on this spinning globe we call life!
I am getting on a plane in a few hours, and will be flying for over 30 hours... I will write my post about my adventures on this trip then!

“Stay the course, light a star,Change the world where'er you are.”~ Richard Le Gallienne (1866-1947)