I really like the feeling of being a 'student' again. Praise da Lort that I am only taking 2 classes to start off with.
I was a little nervous my first week. I mean, being that I am :::cough cough:::: years old - its not like I am a spring chicken. But then again- I shoooole ain't no old yard bird just yet. The first class I had was Intermediate Algebra. I have it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Yes, thats a lot of days a week for math!
The first day of class, I get an email from the professor with the syllabus, and necessary items for class, of which, one was a graphing calculator. Talk about feeling old. I pulled out the one at the house... well, lets say I was about 54 versions behind. I SHOULD have gone into class with that one- and an old school typewriter, and of course an old school bag phone! "Hollah!"
The class only has 14 people in it- and they are pretty mixed. I sit in the AARP corner with two ladies, one a few years older than me, and another who is a very attractive lady the age of my older sister. (Who was called a MILF in the elevator, and didn't know what it meant- so she asked someone and was completely embarrassed- but more about her later)
There is a guy who's name starts with a D (you know I don't like to use names)... who the AARP corner refers to as DTD... D(fill in the rest of name here) the Douche! He is... well, how do I describe him... I would say he has about as much personality and intelligence as watching dog crap turn white. No common sense, no book sense, no dollar cents, and hasn't had it since who knows when. Well- he has a thing for Ms. MILF. He randomly turns around and looks at her with those creepy white trash stalker-like eyes and grins. Needless to say- I make it a point to walk her to her car after class every day.
There are a few other people that I am still feeling out their personalities- but I am sure they will be written about. Overall- its a good class- even if the professor takes FOREVER (thanks to DTD) to get through a single lesson.
My second class is English Comp. I. This professor is off her rocker- I LOVE HER! She is Dutch, and speaks beautiful proper English- and she's not afraid to cuss! The class is VERY mixed with ages. From 16 (my God I forgot how immature 16 year old guys were) to 50 something. I am sitting next to a gal that has a great since of humour- I have a feeling her and I probably shouldn't sit next to each other because all we do is laugh all class!! Even the professor already commented how she wanted to move to my corner because of all the laughter... please gee-bus, hep da babies!
In addition to that- I am still working. People are still stupid and crazy there. Yesterday I had a guy come in and was upset because he thought he was supposed to get something with something that he bought. I told him that it didn't come with that. He looked me up and down and said "you don't know what the fuck you're talking about".... um... did he just say that... please lawd tell me those words did NOT just come out this big gorilla lookin wonky eyed black sock brown sandal wearing bastard. Yes, it did. So, I simply picked up the item he was referring to and shoved it right up his ass. OK- I thought about doing that- but I didn't for real- I just have to keep this interesting still. I reread it- because, don't tell anyone- but I have been known to be wrong sometimes... I mean, it doesn't happen TOO often... but I admit, it DOES happen on a rare occasion. Sure enough... this wasn't one of those occasions. I told him- "sir, I have read it, in English AND in Spanish- because I know que cono it says in Spanish too (ok I just ad libbed that part because looking back that would have been awesome to say) and it says nothing about it coming with 3 packages of the anchors, is simply 'suggests' using them." He then simply said "I must not have had my glasses when I read it." Thats it. No sorry, no my bad, no nothing. So I just said back to him... "looks like I do know what the fuck I'm talking about- now do you have anything else you need me to set straight?" - Bastard! That point in time I only had one good nerve left- which was prosthetic- and he was getting on it!
I also had a 15 minute conversation with a lady who was looking for a mesh that didn't let liquid through it. Umm you mean plastic ho!! She was convinced that there was a mesh- like a screen with 1/2 inch opening (yes opening as in open to allow stuff thru) - but.... it will not let liquid through it. I am glad that this was ODH (one dumb ho) because if she had ANY sense at all- she would have known by the look on my face that I was silently cussing her out inside my head. In fact ALL my voices, in ALL my languages had something to say about this women. What is scarier is the fact that she procreated. The only way she has the intelligence enough to get pregnant HAS to be because the egg is stationary. If she was a man, her sperm would swim backwards- that how dumb she was. She still wasn't convinced that there was not a mesh that doesn't allow liquids through it. Bless her heart.
I'm not even going to start on the mean old bitter woman that was buying top soil to put in pots for her tomatoes. I tried to let her know that topsoil is not for pots- and she blew up on me. I suggested 'potting soil' because... well, I don't know it says RIGHT ON THE BAG- FOR POTTED PLANTS.. however, she was convinced that is what you use for drainage. Dumb ass old woman- I hope her tomatoes die! Just a waste of good oxygen!
I managed to survive Rapture. Apparently this past Saturday @ 6pm Eastern Standard time because you know thats the time zone God lives in (in case you were wondering) - all the chosen people were supposed to just vanish. Just "vloop" into thin air- with their clothes just dropping off. Then the rest of the sinners would be left for 183 days (I think) to get their lives skraight wit da Lort! Those that didn't would be sent to Hell.
Well- apparently I wasn't a chosen one... either that- or so was every other person around me- because the traffic was still terrible driving home. I wanted to go around the store and just place random piles of clothes down the aisles... then make random pages over the stores intercom for people to meet their parties at customer service. But I didn't ... only because I was so stuck in a never ending parade of stupid lead by a marching band of idiots in my area. "Why is it that when I don't water my plants, the leaves fall off"- "Do the flowers ever change colours at night" - "If I plant tomatoes and lettuce and fertilize it with pig shit, will it grow a BLT sandwich" - ok- so that last one wasn't a real question- but I am waiting for someone to ask me that!
So now I am sitting here- waiting on my first class to start- then I have to go into work... this is my first time doing school and work in the same day... can you say comatose??
On a side note- my garden is all finished and doing well. The weather has been strange, but to quote my brother and sister in law- LIFE IS GOOD!!
"Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious" ~ author unknown
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